Sometimes I find myself asking the same old question. Why is life unfair? I know life is always unfair. But I can't stop asking myself this. Why some people can have life easier than others, while some must have it rough? Of course, no one life is smooth sailing, and sure, having it tough is sure better than having it easy. but is having it tough for too long good? When will it ever end? I really want to be a position to help, but all I realise is that I'm kinda useless. How I wish I'm the one that is having it tough. How I wish I can share the burden with you. How I wish all of the troubles everything will be channelled to me instead. How I wish you can take a long deserve break from all of this and enjoy the things you should have been entitled to enjoy. I really don't understand. Even if I understand, I still can't do anything to change anything. How much more must he endure to become strong? what is strong? Isn't this enough? But since he's not complaining I'm not even in any position to say all of these. Just that sometimes I really feel unjust for him, for us all. Why? It's not so bad in this era where technology is advanced, but still, it's different. Even though we're not beside each other, but it was sufficent alrdy - us looking at the same sky and existing on the same piece of land. At least, when I want to see you I know where to find you. But now it's just too far. Sure, you'll come back every 6 months, and 6 mths will fly pass. It's just different. 6 months is neither too long nor too short. I should stop all these negative thoughts/talk since they are going nowhere and thr's no answer to all these questions. But I can't help but to think along these lines. Everything happens for a reason yea? It's just that sometimes we have to spend the entire lifetime questioning and finding for that answer. Education is not everything, yet, it is everything. Everyday all I can hope for is for you to be safe and healthy, may all the bad things befall me rather than you. Please, please, please, just be safe.

Yes, I'm fine thank you. I see no point in elaborating to everyone or anyone IRL since I feel that no one can understand this whole talk. Talking it out will make me wallow in self-pity even more. No one can ever understand me. or anybody else. Mayb I'm just lacking in trust. Yesyes, I know talking to someone doesn't mean you want that person to understand what you are going through. Wait, what is understand? I don't even know how it feels like to understand someone else. Mayb I'm just self-centered as I am. So yes, just let me continue to be one. Just wna say some things here and yes, just let me be. Maybe it's just me, but talking to someone else makes me want that person to understand me, and by understanding I want them to go through and feel what I am going through. But tht person will never exist, 'cos thr's only 1 me that can ever go through the same feelings that I'm going through, even though we're undergoing the same thing. So, no. No one can understand. It's just me. Yes, I'm pathetic enough not to have any best friend whom I can talk about anything and everything to them. And no, it's not because my friends are bad or not trustworthy. It's just me. I can't wear my heart on my sleeve.

I'm fine, really. I just want to spend some time really feeling what I'm feeling now. Spending my braincells on useless qns like these now. Like this, then can I feel that I'm actually living. After sometime, I'll be alright again.

This too, shall pass.