"Teenage Angst."
Tht's a term Phang coiled for us which explains why I'm feeling so angsty these few days, or rather, weeks. Wanted to post happy post, but nth happy to blog about. And I've been blogging so much cos so much anger have been accumulated inside me and i need to channel it out, if not I think I'll explode.

But first things first, I went out w my stepmum and stepbro today. She brought me to the temple @ Bugis today and I went to 求签 for the first time. The first time I tried and I got the "destined 签" w/o having to try the second time, it was 82. Coincidentally my RP was also 82, which I dreamt abt. Went to get the paper and I read but I think it wasn't applicable to me at all (anw it was a medium one). So my stepmum ask me to try again and this time I have to pray for it myself 'cos the first time it was actually her saying for me. So I tried thrice before getting the "destined 签" (btw if you're confused why thr's this "destined 签", its cos you have to throw the two red halfs thing and one must be facing up and other one facing down before it is considered "destined 签". if nt you'll have to wait for another to drop out again. Ps, dno hw to explain. :P) and it's 67 this time. Went to take the paper and it's kind of applicable to me, and fortunately it was a good one. So we left the temple and went to wcp to have our lunch before my stepbro went for his tuition. Actually when I was throwing the two red halfs thing, the first time both of them were open, then 2nd time was closed, and third time was the okay one -- and my stepmum said tht it was actually a good thing. I don't know hw to say it 'cos my stepmum say tht she wasn't really sure too but she said when offerings to God tht time having such sequence of the two red halfs thing is good. Okay, I don't know if I managed to get the message across, but whtever, i uds jiu hao. While my stepbro was attending his tuition, I had a talk w my stepmum and we talked about alot of stuff, like random one also. Abt driving, her past jobs, relatives, my uni courses, when I enter the society wht kind of people I shld beware of, travelling etc. Talking about travelling, she told me tht when I earn alot of money I should spend my money on travelling rather than on branded goods and stuff. And this I personally agree too. I want to travel like annually, tho it's impossible, 'cos when I grad from my uni I'll be tied down w debts, huge debts. But well, a girl can dream. I'm sure it's most people dream to travel arnd the world. Who doesn't want to? Then my dad called to ask abt my temple trip, I'm sure he's concerned abt the results too. Ohwell, everything still lies in me in the end. Aft tht then my stepmum drove me home aft spending almost half of the day w them.

I think I shldn't have came home. I shall not publish it publicly, but I'll still say it: secretively.

I really shld stop thinking. I should read some books to occupy my mind if not I'll have too much time thinking and overthinking things which I shouldn't be. It's time for me to visit a bookstore or library soon. If not I think I'll really go crazy.

Anw, I got home and I watched my Tegomass DVD. CRYCRYLAUGHLAUGHLAUGHSMILESCREAMCRYFLAILSCRYSMILELAUGHAWWWWWSINGAWWWWLAUGHCRYSINGSINGSINGSING. Mad awesome. All those emotions, memories gushing out. I can't even. :'( I want to see them badly, like now. I wonder when will I ever get to see them again. Never? :'( Everytime watching concert dvds I'll emo and these feelings will follow me for weeks till I get out of the withdrawal period. Sigh. I hate it. Is it just me or is this the usual routine of fangirls? I hate these feelings, those feelings that you know that you're so far from them. Even attending their concert, or rather, it's precisely after attending concerts I'll realise that they're so far from you, even tho they are in front of you, or even though they are in the same space as you, breathing in the same air. So near, yet so far. DVDs too, you can only see them up close thru a computer, or a disc. Mayb I'm crazy. I think I am too. I think I'm not fit to be a fangirl, I'll die of depression since this happens alot of time. I'll rewatch all those videos related to my idols and I'll try to figure out wht kind of person they are, but the more I watch, the more confused I get, and I'll give up and end up not knowing who they really are. Of cos you may say that how idols behave onscreen may not be the real character they have offscreen, but I believe no matter how you fake it, some parts of it will still come out naturally be it thru small actions or minute expressions. Unless that person is really a good actor, I've nth to say. But well, mayb I'm just crazy. I think I am. I'm not a fanatic fangirl for sure, just that mayb sometimes I overthink stuff and delve into my own delusional world for too long till I no longer make sense. Like now. I don't know why I'm typing all these, but I sure hope thr's someone out thr who experience the same thing as me and can understand how I feel. Sighhhhhhh. Anw, after watching the whole thing I felt massu is really creative. like srsly creative. And I'm really grateful for all their efforts in thinking of ways to get near to fans. I'm sure all of their fans feel this way. They can choose not to crack their brains in coming out with ways to interact w fans in the entire concert hall, but instead they decide to kill their braincells just for us. I feel so blessed. Okay, tho they're earning my money, but I'm willing to let them earn since they treat us so good :D Ohya, and I realise my jap sucks ttm, totally dun uds wht they saying except those simple stuff la. SIGHHHHHH, WHY I SO STUPID. Anw, they didnt put the part which they sang pokemon's theme song during the day of concert which I attended! T^T WHYYYYYY~ But heng I got the audio recording of it ^^ Btr than nth tho! HEEHEEHEE. AND RIGHT! TEGOMASS DE DVD CAN GLOW IN THE DARK. WTS. MAHOU INDEED NEEEE~~~~ So amused. HAHAHHA. I think I'll be their fans forever and ever. Okay, mayb forever and ever is too long, but as long as I'm still able to hear, I'll support them and their music. :) This, I think I can be sure of it.

Sorry to end this abruptly, but I don't know what else to say~ Sorry for reading this kind of shit. hahahahahha!

I can't bear to stay at home, I'll just go out tmr alone. I hate this.