
Thursday, April 12, 2012@8:06:00 pm
問題が山積み
目を背け逃げ出したくなる
逃げてもそれはいつまでも残ってる
人の優しさに気づくことは、本当は簡単なのに
楽な道程を選んでる自分が
坂道を転がって止まらない
そんな自分にギリギリで渇を入れる
そうだ、逃げんな!逃げんな!逃げんな!
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WEAVER's 負けないでHello! :) I'm here to blog today, because I think today is my-kinda-lucky-day! :) (you shld alrdy noe if you're following me on twitter!) Okay la, actually it's more of a normal day, with a few interesting/happy things happening to me :D
Basically, its just a typical morning whereby I dragged myself to the bathroom to bathe, get out of bath, caught in a dilemma abt wht to wear to work, hurry downstairs to catch the bus, and as usual, the bus decided to troll me and come late/ either tht or I'll just miss th bus by secs. :( Okay, then today I waited for the bus which is like a few mins late from my usual bus timings, then I was still secretly cursing the bus company. And then, 3 buses came tgt AT THE SAME TIME -.- OHWELLLLL. But the lucky thing is tht I get to board an empty bus and can sit all the way till bus interchange. So the journey was still pleasant till I reached mrt station 'cos usually getting on board the train IS THE WORST EXPERIENCE/TIME OF THE DAY PLEASE. You shld see how crowded it is on platforms in the morning. HEAVENS. USUALLY HAVE TO MISS LIKE 3-4 TRAINS BEFORE I'M ABLE TO BOARD ONTO IT, OR RATHER, GETTING PUSHED INTO IT! So, I think the most effective way to like lose a few kgs is to squeeze into morning trains. PHYSICALLY LOSING WEIGHT/MEAT/FATS. Okay, like I said,
USUALLY. So today was kinda different 'cos surprisingly the platform was kinda not-so-packed and I pressume it's cause the train from marina bay haven't reach and viola! I'm able to board into the train w/o getting squeezeeddd ^^ Okay, so I reached my station and the escalator was full of ppl, so when I was abt to take the flight of stairs, I recieved an sms. It's not just an sms, it's THE sms which I've been waiting for!! :D It's from NUS! HAHAHHA! SO I WAS LIKE OMGOMGOMG, MUST FASTER FLY TO MY COMPANY TO OPEN MY EMAIL TO TYPE IN MY APPLICANT NO. (weirdly so, I'm able to memorise my pin no and not my applicant no.) So I bought my egg mayo as brkfast, then flew to my computer to check! And yea, I was offered my first choice.
:)? (Okay, I shall elaborate abt the ? behind the smiley later.)So let's skip to lunch and we ate @ Maxwell, and my colleague helped me queue the porridge for us. But well, I think thr's like nth special to the porridge plus I dun really fancy porridge :/ So me, yizhen and shimin ate till we were late for work again! So yizhen and I faster walk back and while we were walking back, a korean supermart caught my eye! It's NEW and we decided to go in la, heck tht we're late. HEEHEE. AND WOOHOOO. SAW MY FAVE CRACKER! ^^ GRABGRABGRAB! Saw banana milk too! But decided not to buy it 'cos we gt no time plus no $! :( Then the shopkeepers are pure koreans! ^^ And the uncle v funny! 'Cos he was asking us hw old are we and we're like 19, then i realised why 'cos he's giving us free gift which is rice wine and he wanted to know wht was the legal age to drink! He dun believe us! So had to show him our IC! HAHAHA! Then he was demo-ing hw we're supposed to drink the rice wine. He shook it furiously then told us tht we have to wait for 20 sec before opening then I'm like OHYA IF NOT WILL *BUSSSHHHHHHH* (me making sound of it spurting out) then he gave me the thumbs up. (Y)(Y)(Y)! WHY SO CUTE UNCLE! ^^ Yizhen and I had a great laugh and decided to patronise the shop again! It's really cheap summre ^^ Affordable max! :D If you want to know whr it is, it's at the shophouses @ Tanjong Pagar leading to Maxwell thr, in the midst of alot of bridal shops/ opposite 2D1N Soju Bang! :)
So my colleagues and I decided to try the rice wine. HAHAHAHA! Mad funny! Most of them dun like it! HAHAHAHA! It smelt like yeast so I tried it. OKAY WHT! NOT BAD WHT ^^ Then I drank some and my colleagues scared tht I'll be drunk. LOLLOLLOL! Yizhen also like the taste! HEEHEE ^^ Ohyea, plus technically, today is my last day at work! 3 mths passed by so fast rite! I Know too man! But anyway, they decided to extend my contract till end of june! :) So I guess July will be the travelling mth for me! ^^ 'Cos sis, mum, mum's friend and I are planning a trip to Japan, Kansai area! Well, hopefully the plan can be carried out :D
Okay, so I trained home w two of my male colleagues and both of them are rather clever. One of them completed Masters deg, and another is gna pursue one soon. OMGZ, I KNOW. hahaha. Welll, it was kinda awkward 'cos I'm nt even close to them and I think it's even the first time of us holding a normal/usual conversation. And I realise I'm
kinda childish aft talking to them. Like, I see things only at the superfical level, while they are abt to give a sound/logical and wellthoughthru ans. Sigh, I can see the BIG DIVDE YO. :( One of the guy actually said tht when he first came here (the company which I'm working for), he got a big cultural shock (LIKE REALLY?! 'cos i didnt get any shock, except the fact tht I was shocked tht no one wanted to talk to me :( ). 'Cos previously he was working in an all male environment and while working none of them talk
but here, 'cos its majority women dominated, it was rather noisy. Okay, he didn't actually said the parts in italics, but it can be implied. Then he was like asking why didn't I want to work in an environment with youngsters like me instead of working w aunties. And I'm like why? isn't nice to be taken after by all these ppl who are more senior than us? And they said true, but if they were my age, they'd be searching for places w hot chicks to work with. UH-HUH. My reply was: Is there any hot guys in Singapore? LOL. No. HAHAHHAHAHAHHA!! Blunt, but true. (Okay, MAYBEEEE thr's hot guys out thr, just tht I haven't met them and I think I never will. LAX, I'M NOT A HOT CHICK TOOO~ I ADMIT IT OKAY! ^^) Then one of the colleague also mentioned tht he likes working at his previous workplace 'cos ppl thr are scholars and it's interesting to talk to them. So, he was implying tht the place which I'm wokring at now are filled with ppl with lower education bkgrnd, so he's unable to like enjoy having a meaningful conver w us? :/ zzzz. Fine, 'cos I think I'm just unable, or mayb, lazy to even think of an intelligent viewpoint to impress others, nor able to contribute any insightful ideas/comments. NONE. ^^ okokok, to cut the looooooonnggg story short, I was just aware tht guys and girls really think differently. Or mayb it's just me :/
Okay, so it's the end of my rather-lucky-day! :)
Okay, IF you're following me on twitter, (Or nvm, 'cos like I've mentioned abv,) I've received my NUS sms and was offered my first choice. Few days before I've also been offered my first choice for NTU. Thanks to friends who congratulated me. But I can't thank you wholeheartedly, 'cos I don't even know if it's supposed to be a happy news or wht. I can't be sure if ppl are wishing me wholeheartedly either. :/ Of cos my friends meant it, but mayb not 100% meaning it? If it's me, I doubt I can congratulate others 100% and be happy for them. Mayb it's just me.... Okay, back to the topic: I know I shld be happy, and I AM grateful to God, but... I'm actually back to square 1.
SCIENCE OR ARTS?
I srsly don't know. Truthfully, I put the first choice for my NTU just for fun. I know you might be thinking WHUTTT IS SHE MAD THIS KIND OF STUFF ALSO CAN JUST PUT FOR FUN. But yea, I think I'm mad too. I was like "Aiya, surely cnnt get in one la! Just put for fun lo! ^^ If get in liao then decide again la! But surely can't get in one la cos need interview. Even if get interview den reject lo!" And yea, ORBI ME. I was given my first choice W/O any interview. Thank God, for not letting me get any interview, but sighhhhhhhh. Now I've to srsly think btw this two choices again! :( RETHINK AGAIN. JUST WHEN I TOT I ESCAPED IT ON 1ST APRIL.
Next qns is,
PASSION OR FUTURE?
I've ask this so many times and all I get is just mixed reactions. Some say PASSION, others say otherwise. Maybe future is more impt, since it's mre practical to enroll into a course which can earn big bucks, since we've to repay the uni loan too. After all, passion may be cultivated/nurtured. Some said tht uni will be tough, so doing the things which you like may make it less unbearable but the prob here is: I don't even know wht's my passion. I can't be sure of wht I want. I can't say I WANT this. I can't be sure tht the course I take will eventually be the job I'll be enjoying and sticking to for my entire life. I can't. Afterall, life is so unpredictable. Plus, interests changes over time. Especially when I'm so fickleminded. How can I be sure of wht I want? Can I be a fortune teller and just peek into my future? :/
DOUBLE DEGREE OR SINGLE DEGREE?
Just as the chinese saying goes, 沒有那麼大的頭就不要學人家帶那麼大的帽子. I think this phrase is really for me. Like hellooooo! I barely survived/scrapped thru my JC days and now I'm like trying to climb greater heights? I doubt I can even handle the stress of taking a double degree. :/ So well? Challenge myself to it or to just stay in my comfort zone? :/ I don't know, srsly.
Ohyea when I'm train-ing back home w my male colleagues, they were like asking wht course I'm gna take in uni and I answered them tht I don't know and they were like looking at me all puzzleeeddd. I KNOW. Is it even WRONG to NOT know wht you wna do? NO. I don't even noe like how ppl can be SURE of wht they want to do! Surely thr are some ppl who are so certain of wht they want because of smth which they've experienced or whtsoever. BUT NO. I'm just an average girl w no goals/ambition, okay. :( SIGHSIGHSIGH.
Got home and asked my mum. She asked me why don't I have an ambition? I don't know. Must i have a goal? Must I? Why? If my goals changes in the middle of my pursuit of course, who can I blame? The past me? Blame on the "me now" for not being longsighted, blame the "me" who chose the wrong path? But does tht even help? No. So how am I supposed to know wht I want? I'm indecisive. I don't like how "choices" in life works. From young I'll always imagine abt my lifeplan God have for me. Basically it runs like a hierarchy chart whereby we were faced w a lot of paths and as we chose this path, we aren't given the chance to turn back and redo it. I'm afraid of how the million choices I made in my life will change the way I behave and grow; I'm afraid of the outcome of my choices like can I bear the heavy consequences of making tht choice; I'm afraid of choosing the wrong path, like mayb the path which I've forgone may lead me to a brighter future/a better me. How would I know? So, this is the best part of it all, everything is just a ?, a mystery. you'll only know it after you've walk till the very end of your life. Welcome to the game of life.
But up till now, I'm still fairly glad of the choices I've made in life. I'm not sure if it had made me into a better person, I'm not sure if all of it were right choiced, but well, at least for now I'm happy with wht I've gone thru/experienced/survived. I know tht thinking thru my uni courses will be another time for me to rediscover more about myself than I've alrdy had. Recently I've discovered and noticed alot of unknown sides of myself which I don't even noe. I think I'm having a love-hate relationship w myself - or mayb its more of a hate part. I think mayb I've changed alot which is oblivious to me. I hope as I embark on the journey of knowing myself, I'll be able to make, not the right choice, but rather, a convincing choice. Time will tell, I guess? :/Till then, 1st june, please come
slowly.