Reached another crossroads of my life. And I guess this time, it's kinda important. 'Cos it's about my future. And it will directly/indirectly affect my future employment/starting salary/job opportunities etc. But still, I'm kinda unsure in wht I really want.

I mean, one of the reason why I chose JC over poly, its because I've no concrete idea of picturing what I'd be or what I hope to see myself as in the future. And aft postponing for 2 years, now I'm FORCED or rather, EXPECTED/ASSUMED to have a clear picture of what I want. But the truth is, I don't! I really can't picture myself as a businessman/teacher/doctor or whtevr. I think few years down the road, I'll still me the same old me, or I hope so, so yeah. Plus, I don't really have a strong passion for smth. I just know that I hate this and that, but not knowing what I like. My mum suggested for me to take up accountancy/business/IT courses plainly for one reason -- they earn big bucks in the future. And my ans: NO. I really dun like all these courses, zero interest nor passion. One thing I'm sure of is that I dun want to take up any maths stuff. Its srsly a no-no for me. I think I'll bald before I even hit 25 if I take up maths. Sigh. What makes matter worse is tht I'm actually lazy to research about those courses and even lazy to attend the openhouses (tho I did but only for a short while)... I'm srsly dead. :(

Actually, I don't really want a highpaying job, just a job tht can sustain my lifestyle and mayb if I save enulf able to travel overseas yearly? I want a job that its aft work, you really can relax and have the time of your life. I just want a life tht is fun and normal and plain. It sounds impossible, i know. Nothing is smoothsailing in life, and nth is easy in uni. I know, I know... Its just my ideal type of life.

Initially I was sure about getting psychology. But now, I'm not that sure after all. thr's various reasons. For eg, which is the most common one, ppl was telling me tht majoring in psychology can't get you far in the future, unless you will be able to get masters and go overseas to study. If not, at most, you can only me a councellor in S'pore, such a bleak future prospect. Another is that 'cos I'm a science student and for the past few years I didn't really like arts subj like SS/history/geog/lit. Since psychology is under Arts, or rather, social sciences, I can't be sure that I can excel in it. Plus, my GP SUCKS LIKE SHIT and in arts, most of the ppl english are good. (since most of the arts students will enrol into arts courses.) Plus, thr's like damn lots of essays to write, so great. :( (But the person in ntu told me is more of memorising than essay writing? Kinda confused too :( )

So, other than arts, I decided to look at the science faculties. Great, another prob was tht I only had bio and chem in JC and I've lost touch w physics for like 2 plus years? So getting into engineering was abit hard for me (not cos of my grades, but rather) its cos I need to take a bridging course if I enroll in it. And imagine yourself cramming wht others have learn for the past 2 years into your head within like few weeks/months? I guess I can't manage tht. I don't know if I'm exaggerating or wht, but well. I've convinced myself not to take up any engineering courses. SO... I'm left with arts and science. The thing now is, I don't know I shld take chem or bio. I have no particular interest in both subj, neither am I strong in either one. So... :/// Actually I think chem is okay, but I hate the lab. Bio I hate the memorising part but I kinda like the lab. So yea. CHAM. :( tht's why I'm in such a dilemma now!

So basically, I'm stuck. Science or Arts? I don't even noe! Why am I like so average? Thr's nothing I'm exceptionally good in! :( Sigh! And I'm supposed to submit my application latest by 1st April. How :( How how how! :( Some told me that as long as you get a degree its fine, cos its just a stepping stone to get employed. So confused and contradicting :( HOW. T^T YOU TELL ME LA. HOW. :(


If only choosing courses were so clearcut and definite like this... :( God, please give me some signs! :( ANY SIGNS WOULD DO. T^T

And before I knew it, its time for me to head to bed again...
Its has always been like this for the past few days: work -> got home -> bathe -> eat -> sat before comp and panicked about my uni courses -> before even reading thru those brochures, its time to sleep
and the vicious cycle continues....