Jane: haha, got colourful mehh? :} thanks for tagging(:
xinzhi: I LOVE KAI(: and you love reita!(:
sHERlyn: hees, really? if you going to shanghai den must buy smth bk for MEEE(:
JR: -.- wuliao! obviously you will have lahh !! >:D
Huiying: EWWW, ZHANGYANG! D:<
wj: hees, KAI is someone i LOVE, AIKS is sumone i DONT love :D summore you love aiks jiu can le mahh, i dun wanna snatch wif you(:
Berlinda: haha, MRONG IS CUTE(:
HuiQi: haha, i ried to tag eur chi blog(: and eur bs is NICE(:
zaiyuan!: THANKS. :} but i dun wanna get it.
SIUHUI: hellooo, my deardear NANGUA.
PAULINE: yepps!(: planetarium is NICE, but The GazettE is muchmuch nicer!
yy: GAWDS!! i cun cut her hair lahh! cos her hair is too long, mine is too short le ): YOUVERYEVIL! wanna laf at my hair uhh! haha xD and i die also wun wanna cut MAC's hair BLEAHHS! :D dun be too disappointed uhh.
***

nowadays, things dun just really go th way as planned.

do they?

evrything i do, its just wrong.

nothing is gonna be right again.

maybe, its because of my birthday?





if its really th case, den i hope tht my birthday will never come.

then, at least, things will go bk to th same.



why am i so stupid?
i really hate myself alotalot.

esp wif this stupid brain of mine.
i keep failing all my tests and obviously all of my results have dropped drastically.


i dunno why either.
why?

maybe, i'm really born like this and nth will change.

sometimes, i wonder wht's my purpose on this Earth.
i did nth to create more trouble.

I cun do anth right.
Its all wrong.

I can't even pass my class tests.
I can't be a good senior.
I can't be responsible of my own actions.
I can't be able to fit in into my own class.
I can't be happy.
I can't be honest to myself.
I can't be serious.
I can't be myself.
I can't stop crying.

I really can't.
I dunno why either.

Its just tht, i can't smile like before.
I hate putting on tht fake smile flashing it to evryone.

Its just not me.
Its fake.

but tell me, wht is me?




i dun even noe it myself.
sometyms i just simply cun fit in.

i reallyreallyreally cun.
I'm sick of trying so hard.

Even when i tried so hard, its just no good.
I hate myself.





If only, i can be a little more like me.



Its so long eversince i cried for so long.
My eyes were swollen.
No doubt tht i'm ugly now.

But i AM ugly.
so no use being "pretty".

I really want things to go bk to th same old days.
where I'm still average-brained.

where I'm still happier.

but now, its not like this.
I wonder why.

I want a completefamily. where thr is no quarrels. i dun wanna hear them. i dun wanna go home, seeing you crying, hearing eur screaming at each other. i'm sick of it. really very sick of it. I hate it. I reallyreally do. esp behind th closed doors. its not like eur doors are soundproof or wht. I hate it. I dun wanna come home. Its not a home. whenevr i come home i'm all alone. tht's not home. Whenevr at night i have to hear eur quarrels and sobbings. how can i say tht i'm used to it? i'll nv will. trust me. when then can i come home saying tht i'm really home? when can i have a day wif no cryings, but only laughters? when can i come home wif evryone thr welcoming me? when? when will tht day come?




I left, cos i could not fit in.
I'm sick of trying so hard when nth pays off.


perhaps, you could get me a smiling mask, so tht i do not hv to fake a smile anymore.
it would be btr if i'm dead. and away frm here.